


where do you live? (love is a place)

by vatonages



Category: NCT (Band), SM Rookies
Genre: Gen, i love their friendship sicheng is a huge ball of anxiety and renjun is a soft boy, renjun is an angel, sicheng is homesick, taeil is full of Quiet Wisdom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 17:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10667817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vatonages/pseuds/vatonages
Summary: sicheng wakes up in south korea every day for a year and it still never stops feeling temporary





	where do you live? (love is a place)

Sicheng spent his first month in Korea walking in his sleep. His roommate, Kun, joked that he was finding his way back to China, and Sicheng laughed nervously and told himself he would stay still that night.

But it was funny until it wasn’t funny anymore, and Sicheng finds himself, not for the first time, sniffling quietly under a comforter. He knows Taeil can hear him from across the room, but Taeil has a way of just letting things be, so it’s easy for him to convince himself there’s no one there.

 

He knows the others can feel his homesickness in the room like a tangible force sometimes, can see it in the way Jaehyun gets a fond and soft look in his eyes when he looks at him, like any sharper of a gaze will disturb the moment. He listens to Sicheng talk about China sometimes, without speaking, just listening with a thoughtful expression. It’s usually at night, the other members already asleep. Sicheng never asks Jaehyun specifically to stay up and listen to him, but Jaehyun seems to pick up on his feelings well enough, goes without sleep and lays next to Sicheng, voice soft and slow. Even then, though, Sicheng holds back and struggles to convey his feelings. It gets frustrating, so he says less than he wants to. Jaehyun tries to supply words, but it gets to a point where Sicheng feel bad and lets the conversation die out, and just talking about China doesn’t do it justice.

 

The next time Renjun sees him, he realizes something is off.

 

“You have eye bags. I’m not used to seeing you this way. Is something wrong?” Sicheng has always been notably more anxious than a celebrity probably should be, and all the members of NCT are aware of it to some extent, but Renjun has been especially helpful, because they’re close, because he speaks the language that reminds Sicheng of home. It’s really not fair to rank who is more or less helpful, because they all help him so much, but Renjun is oddly mature for his age, and always asks the right questions.

 

The gentle tone of Renjun’s voice and the way he speaks quiet Mandarin like anyone but Chenle can even understand makes Sicheng feel at ease, so he speaks, sighs.

 

“I just miss home. Korean is hard, you know? Well, not for you as much, but for me...Well, you hear how much I struggle.” Renjun places a small hand on his shoulder. Chenle always jokes that he looks younger than any of the Dream members even though he’s the second oldest.

 

“You’ve improved so much, though! Chenle, too. I’m proud of you guys and everyone else is too.” There’s a pause, where Sicheng is staring at the floor, lost in thought, and then Renjun is saying “Hey,”, and Sicheng looks up.

 

There’s a time that Sicheng doesn’t like to bring up close to debut when the panic came on too fast and too strong for him to do away with on his own. Renjun had appeared, reassuring and so encouraging it made Sicheng’s heart ache. “You can do this,” He said. “You made it into one of the best dance schools in China, so you can do this, too. You just forget what you’re capable of.”

 

Even so, it had been easier there. He always knew what he was getting himself into.  


“It’s okay to be homesick. It’s not easy to leave and start over somewhere new. I definitely miss China, and so does Chenle. It happens. You also have to consider though, that you’re new here. Yuta and Ten have been here for a while, Mark and Johnny too. They’ve had more time to adjust. You’ve been here for what, a year now? It’ll get easier.” Sicheng nods along as Renjun speaks, and he’s right. Renjun is holding his hand loosely, and Sicheng already feels better.

 

“I’m sorry for venting to you like this,” Sicheng says. “I’m supposed to be older and more composed, but I just-”

 

“Don’t be sorry. Your birthday falls late, but we’re practically two years apart. Don’t grow up too fast, ge. You can always talk to me.”

 

“Thank you, Renjun.” He says honestly. After a moment, he speaks again. “It feels good to speak Mandarin.” He lets the sentence fall and doesn’t try to pick it up. Chenle, always hyper, comes running over and dives into their laps, laughing.

 

“Stop looking so sad, hyung!” It’s a weird habit they’ve all gotten into, speaking Mandarin and then still saying “hyung”, as much a part of their members’ identities as anything. “There are so many reasons to laugh!”

  
And Chenle, Sicheng supposes, is right. So he smiles and ruffles his hair.

 

 

Back in the dorm, under his comforter once more, fabric like a border between him and the outside world, Taeil speaks.

 

“You are China, Sicheng.” The sentence isn’t one he hears often, so he assumes he’s made yet another mistake and has heard it wrong.

 

“Sorry?” He asks, peeking his head out from under the covers.

 

“You are China. You carry the sounds of those traditional instruments in your body, and I can hear them when you walk. When you dance it’s like you’re bringing China onto the stage so it can tell its story. There’s nothing to miss, Sicheng.” Taeil says. He gestures to Sicheng, laying in bed, and he’s smiling. “China is right here.”


End file.
